he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
