I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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