dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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