Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
