You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
