I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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