I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
