i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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