i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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