Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
