is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she smelled like a LAN party
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
