Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
