apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
