u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
