You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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