How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so let's talk penis.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
