dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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