your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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