i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
