fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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