We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
