oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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