sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
