yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
