Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
