I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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