If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
