last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
