booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
