Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
