Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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