I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
