So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
