I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
