I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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