I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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