You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
His nipple licking is glorious
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