i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
