i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
