i think my tv is drunk
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
