I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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