Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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