just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
