Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
