I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
