I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
