he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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