i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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