arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
