I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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