U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ugly people sure do ruin things
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
