Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
