This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
