I am in a vortex of obligation.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
