I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
