I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
